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Because sometimes the hardest part of being a server… is having to laugh at your customers’ corny one-liners.

1. “It was terrible!”

When I go to clear your empty plate, ask you how it was, and you say this and laugh hysterically.


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2. “This will affect your tip!”

I really can’t even count this as a joke because it is not funny. EVER.

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3. “Little infant Joey will take the bill!”

And I’ll just go take a double shot if I have to deal with your comedy any longer.

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4. “But I’m only 20, aren’t you going to card me?”

If you’re 40 and still pulling this, I really hope your ID is expired.

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5. “You’re out of the lobster? Bummer, that’s just what I wanted!”

Please 86 your sense of humor.

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Want more Restaurant Rants? Check out Shit My Guests Say.